Well folks,
I am 28 years old, today, and I started writing something in my word document about how my generation isn't ACTUALLY the worst but it was repetitive and messy. Then I got distracted by reading old blogs on here and reading through the last year of my twitter account before making it public again.
THEN I decided that maybe I should get back into blogging a little more again, because writing about what silly things going on in my life seems to make them weigh less on my mind? Or something along those lines. I thought of continuing in previous blogs I started, instead choosing to start fresh. Old blogs all over the internet are past Amanda, and different than who and what I am today. Today I am a lot closer to 30 than 20, and everything I wrote in a blog was from a time I was a lot closer to 20.
A little bit about me though? And what my 20's have been about?
I grew up in Wisconsin, and moved to Colorado when I was 21. I moved here for school 7 years ago, where I proceeded to get my precious degree in Environmental Studies (depressing as hell) and Psychology (to help keep me sort of sane?). School was really good to me, except the debt. I learned a lot and got to meet so many people from all over the world I would have never met if I never took a chance to step out of my comfort zone (I say that like Milwaukee was comfortable, but I kind of hated it to be honest). I joined the Program Council and got to put events together that will be remembered for years to come (SpringFest was the big one, free concert right on campus). I did a lot of good and interesting research as related to the environment. I got to know myself and how I interact with the world around me and my ethics, both from the environmental studies point of view, and in my psychology classes! That is certainly a LOT of getting to know yourself. I still do not know what I want to do with my life, besides be happy and see the world... and probably, that is an okay thing? I have thought a little bit on the side of high school guidance counselor. Since I took 3 years between high school and college, I think it's important kids know that it's perfectly OK to not know what you want to do with your life when you're 18, and it is OK to change your mind (mid life crisis definitely happens because society tries to push us into boxes we do not belong in). In my environmental studies major I had a help in planning the Spring Symposium which was a good time. (At this moment I do not really remember much of it, except how accomplished it made me feel at the end of the event). I inducted into Psi Chi (International Honor society for Psychology) while I was in school (I even have the little medal we wore at graduation hanging on my door knob of my bedroom, I wasn't going to buy it but someone over graduation weekend wanted me to have it, so made sure I did, my ex's parents?). I feel especially proud of that. My psychology GPA was a 3.8/3.9 through college, really boosted my overall GPA haha. Not that GPA matters in the real world, but if I someday decide to go to graduate school, it will help? School was busy, and expensive, but provides some sense of "wow, I started this, and kept going until I finished even though some days I didn't want to" plus, I learned how to make my degree matter in a world where it currently doesn't. (The time commitment thing...).
I have also been working with City Market for the last four years. I started as a bagger, then moved to checker, fuel center clerk, pharmacy, and now I do bookkeeping with a bit of service counter. It is a decent job to have right now, in the town I live in. Even when I feel under appreciated at times. I cannot really complain all that much. I am able to pay for my roof, bills, and do fun things. And I have learned valuable skills there, even teaching myself and working on being a bit more outgoing.
When I first moved here I was dating a guy who was living in Wisconsin while I went to school in Colorado. We broke up my sophomore year of college, but then ended up getting back together over winter break. Maybe against both of our better judgement. He moved out to Colorado after I told him not to because he would hate living in Gunnison (I was right, but he made the best of it, and started attending college eventually). We lived together and dated for a couple more years (even spending about a year as an engaged couple). But things did not work out, as they sometimes do. I would like to think that somewhere in both our hearts and heads we both knew that maybe it was not going to last, but we tried. We gave it a try because we wanted to be together. It happens. I think at the very least, we can talk to each other when we see each other out and about and only be a little bit upset that it did not work out. I almost sent him a picture the other day of dog treats flavored and kind of packaged like human snacks, he'd probably laugh? I think... in some sense of the word... we are friends? Or at least friendly enough.
Since he was started school while I was still in school, but wasn't going to be done for a while, I applied to and got into the Masters of environmental Management program. I couldn't afford it even with financial aid though, so I stepped out. It was an okay decision I think. I would be done by now though if I had kept with it despite the financial trouble. More debt for a program that was just starting up was too much of a risk for me though. I think sometimes about going back and trying that out again... but I am way more passionate about future generations and helping them learn how they can help the world than I am about what I can do as an individual. As an individual, I am most useful, I think, inspiring the young.
It has been about 2 years since we have broken up. For a while I was still living in his apartment. Then I moved out, being officially on my own for the first time ever in my life since October 2014. I did not mean to get a cat. I really wanted to raise plants and just take care of myself for a while. But my friend and I went to the pet adoption place and I fell in love with a fluffy purr monster who later turns out to be kind of a dick (he is actually sitting in the window a few feet away from me, pretending I don't exist right now!) I currently live with one of my best friends. It is a magical arrangement. Laura is funny and I love her to pieces. We keep to ourselves mostly, but also sometimes hang out together. She keeps me sane, and if her and I just moved from place to place together growing old and people assuming we are a lesbian couple until one of us dies, I'd be okay with that, probably. ;)
In December 2014 I met a guy, who upon first sight, I felt was going to be a really important person in my life. So... I introduced myself to him. (He was drunk and doesn't remember meeting me the first time, haha). He was important, just not in the way I (we?) had hoped for. I actually found out the second time we hung out that he was allergic to cats and we stopped talking to each other until April 2015 when our lives got chaotic at the same time. Which really, should have been a huge red flag to not go there, but in the approximate year that we talked I guess we really both learned a lot about ourselves. And perhaps that was the way he was supposed to be important in my life. He is cool, I like him a lot... and probably after some space between us, we will be friends again. And hopefully not just because "it's a small town, you kind of need to." He is a story that would make up a chapter or two in a book, should I ever decide to write a book about (or based on) my life. Which is why I bring him up, now. My good friends don't like him, but I will defend him and stop my friends from doing crazy things to the best of my ability (and not just because "um who else would be behind this?"). He's an alright person.
I have spent the summer just trying to be happy with who I am and what I am doing, it has been a pretty decent summer despite some of the drama. I took a little trip to Milwaukee because some folks were trying to get together for a road trip in a school bus to Chicago. I got invited along well before it was even something they knew for sure they were going to do (nice to be thought of, since I came from the area). I had no intention of going back to the midwest this summer so it kind of threw some plans to go elsewhere on the back burner. It was a good trip, I got to see my grandma Skaja one more time before she passed away. That was honestly the most important part of my trip. (ON August 7th I found out she passed away in the night. I thanked the man who helped me get to Milwaukee for giving me a change to see her again). That was the biggest thing to happen to me all summer. She was a great woman who always had great stories to tell, she will be deeply missed.
I did a lot of outdoor activities this summer with plenty of hiking, walking, sitting by the river reading, going to the lake, trips out of town.. it was over all a great summer. Just making great (and lets face it, a couple not so great) memories with people I care about. I even got to write some letters to a friend of mine who has been in Alaska all summer long. I love writing letters (even if I get none back, ha ha). Definitely tried to just focus on myself this summer and not take things too seriously (which is hard to do sometimes). I even bought a fishing license and a fishing pole this summer. The first try was kind of and interesting time, but luckily Nicole and I had some people around to help us out with it.
We are mostly caught up to where I am right now. About 2 weeks ago I deactivated my facebook (which for spreading this blog around purpose I might reactivate for a few days), stopped drinking, started working out and I ran a few times in the last couple weeks. Part in avoidance, part to save money, part to just feel better in my skin... It's an interesting adventure. My apartment got so clean the other day and I have done so much dang reading. (I am on Goodreads app). Running is awful... but it's way less awful than being to hungover to do anything for an entire day. And the money I haven't spend at the bars the last couple weeks has gone to debt. Neat...
Last summer my mom and brother both came out and saw me (separately) which was really fun both times. My brother's trip was more special because he had never been out here and he came out here for spending his TWENTY-FIRST birthday with ME! It's so heart warming that even after growing up with his friends and his teammates and being the youngin' in his friend group for the most part, he wanted to spend that special time with his big sister. When he left he told me there was not any other way he would have wanted to spend his birthday WEEK. We did so much. His birthday was on a Tuesday so we went to dinner, I made him order a beer so the waitress had to look at his ID and see it was his birthday (free dessert mmm) then we went to trivia and he sang some Karaoke (2 songs). It was a good time. The next day, him Nicole and I went and got some dinner in CB, then him and I went to Powerstop for flip night (I don't think he won his beer, but it was fun just hanging out). Laura gave him some of those mari gras beads. we went to Timbers, but neither of us were feeling being there. Friday night partied up in CB and stayed in the hotel Nicole works for. What an interesting night, then the next day was Beer and Chili fest! Some of us were a bit hungover, but it was fun to hang out and try beer and chili all day. He even bought some weed while he was in Colorado. hahaha. Still haven't convinced him to move out here, though. :-/
Finally, really looking forward to two years from now when my mom and I go to Europe. The main objective is to check out Poland because that's where our family is from but I'm sure there are other places we will go see. I'm getting more and more excited each week that passes. And pretty soon (probably should have done this today, because I have the time but I won't likely do it) should go turn in passport application. I also started learning Polish on duolingo app, but I have been focused on spanish lately because I am surrounded daily by spanish speaking people so slightly more useful...I think? Well, if I did it on a daily basis.
Two years! In just two quick years I will be 30. I hope over that time I have some neat stuff to share! My 20's were a beautiful mess, that has me where I am today... but quite frankly, I am ready to be done with this decade. Until then though, I will be doing my best to make the best out of what I have left in my 20s. To some people, two years seems like a lot, but considering how quickly the last 7.5 years have gone, I am not trying to take the last two years for granted.
Have fun.
Amanda
(sorry if you're important and I forgot to mention you this time around. it is likely you're going to be relevant later, though.)
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